WHEN IT ALL MAKES SENSE

Since I’ve been back home, it’s been crazy to notice how quickly we slip back into routine.

Back into family life… back into what’s familiar.

It’s like everyone is quietly waiting for you to just pick up where you left off.

But something has shifted.

I don’t feel the same as I used to.

There’s a sentence that’s been playing on loop in my mind since I left New Zealand:

“You know there is a room for you here if you ever want to stay.”

And it stirred something in me that goes far beyond the four-year-old version of myself coming home.

Being back in my own space now, I can see it more clearly… a sense of belonging I realise I had never truly felt before. Unconsciously, I was searching for a place that felt like home.

But beneath that search was something I hadn’t fully understood until now… a quiet feeling of being on the outside, even in rooms where I belonged.

And for a long time, I questioned that feeling.

Wondered if I was just being oversensitive… or staying stuck in a story. But now, I see it differently.

I can trace it back to how I came into this world.

Being adopted, and growing up in a family I didn’t share a biological connection with, even one filled with love, there was always something missing that I couldn’t quite name.

I didn’t look like my parents.

I didn’t sound like them.

I didn’t share the same humour, the same interests… the same natural way of being.

In many ways, I was the opposite.

And now, looking back, I can see that I wasn’t imagining that feeling of not fully belonging.It wasn’t a story I created…it was something my nervous system and my heart had always known.

And what I see now… is that this journey didn’t just happen by chance.

The years I’ve spent returning to myself, through yoga, breathwork, and meditation have shaped the way I’ve been able to meet all of this.

Not by changing my past…

but by changing how I hold it.

Without expectations.

Without needing an outcome.

Just showing up vulnerable and fully awake.

To some, this might seem obvious. But I can tell you now… at the time, it didn’t feel that way.

Yoga was the first practice that opened the door to self-awareness. I came to the practice for the physical… but I stayed for how it opened my mind and my heart.

It was through yoga that I began to hear the quiet whispers of my body… and over time, those whispers became harder to ignore.

They were showing me that alcohol was holding me back. Holding me back from accessing my true potential.

Looking back now, it doesn’t surprise me that once I finally listened, once I did what my soul had been asking of me, things began to shift.

Psychedelic Breath expanded me in ways I could never have imagined.

It showed me what my body was holding onto.

It showed me that I could access altered states of consciousness by shifting my brainwaves, no substances needed. That felt like a revelation.

But it wasn’t until I attended Dr Joe Dispenza’s three-day retreat in Basel that something clicked into place on an even deeper level.

I began to fully understand why I’ve been drawn to all of these practices.

Yoga.

Breathwork.

Meditation.

Energy work.

They are all pathways home.

All of them, in their own way, have been helping me elevate my frequency… helping me rewire the neural pathways of my old patterns and the outdated belief that I was not enough.

But life or as I like to say, the universe always seems to have plans far greater than anything the mind could come up with.

So when I say that not in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would one day be giving Reiki to my biological father… I mean it.

It was one of those moments that felt so far beyond anything I could have planned.

So quietly profound.

So undeniably divine.

It felt like a quiet turning point from being the one seeking healing to being able to share it.

And maybe that’s why this mantra has stayed so close to my heart: you are one decision away from change.

Because when I look back now, this whole story began with one decision.

And maybe it all unfolded exactly as it was meant to.

Because only now can I see that all of this unfolded because I was ready… ready to recognize the miracles, the blessings, and the synchronicities that have met me along the way.

With so much gratitude.