THE BEAT BEFORE THE BEGINNING

When I was a teenager, I used to go to Les Mills aerobics and Body Pump classes in my hometown, New Plymouth, New Zealand. I loved them.

It was the energy, the music, the feeling of being in a room full of people all moving together, letting out big whoops because the energy in the room was so alive that it lit me up.

In many ways, it awakened something in me back then, in the same way yoga did when I eventually found that path later in life.

One night after class, the head aerobics teacher pulled me aside and asked if I had ever thought about training to become a instructor.

My immediate reaction was, “Who, me? I couldn’t do that.”

I wasn’t good enough.

I wasn’t confident enough.

Who was I to stand at the front of the room?

But somewhere underneath all of that fear, there must have been a tiny yes, because I did decide to train and I got certified.

Looking back now, I can see that one moment changed the entire direction of my life. Decades later, when I took my very first yoga class, I knew immediately that one day I would become a yoga teacher. The seed was planted, but it took another 15 years for the stars to align.

But that is another story.

That aerobics teacher training was the beginning of me learning how to step into discomfort and do it anyway.

What separated Les Mills Aerobics from the pack back then was the music. They gave us choreographed routines, along with cassette tapes of music specially sped up so we could teach to it. This was before dance music had reached New Zealand. We are talking about the 80s.

At the time, the music had such a big impact on me that I used to take those tapes to parties, and my girlfriends used to call me Debbie-DJ. In hindsight, I know this wasn’t a coincidence. It was the earliest thread of a synchronicity that would take decades to fully reveal itself.

And isn’t that the beauty of life? We are constantly being given subtle nudges that only make sense later. Then one day we look back, and suddenly the dots begin to line up.

When I was 22, I left New Zealand and ended up working in the ski industry in Mammoth Mountain, California. While I was there, I met Graham, the manager of an underground club just off Leicester Square in London called The Gas Club.

I had never heard electronic dance music until one day in Mammoth, when I found myself in Graham’s black rented Cadillac, surrounded by friends, listening to a tape one of his DJs had made.

He had brought it with him on his ski holiday, and in that moment, something inside of me shifted. It resonated with me in a way I had never experienced before. And yet somehow, it felt connected to those old Les Mills tapes, but on a much more expansive level.

Before Graham went back to London, he told me there was a job for me at his nightclub if I wanted it. So when I eventually landed in London, I got myself a live-in pub job in Victoria and worked at his club on the weekends, and that is where my love affair with dance music began.

Some of you know that I met my husband in Ibiza, surrounded by music and mutual DJ friends. But what I didn’t fully understand back then was that through all those years of dancing, listening, and being part of the underground dance movement of the 90s, the music had imprinted itself into the cells of my body.

Even now, when I hear a great tune, something in me lights up.

It is instant.

A rush of joy.

A lift in my energy.

A little hit of serotonin and dopamine.

A remembering.

Electronic dance music is part of the reason I went to my first Psychedelic Breath® session. I loved breathwork and I loved electronic music, but I had no idea what to expect when the two came together.

During that session, I received a very clear message that I needed to learn this practice and share it with others.

And that is exactly what I did.

Because these days, I have learned to take action when information like that comes through.

And now, something else is happening: my body has started whispering to me that I should learn how to DJ.

I haven’t actually started yet, but the thread keeps appearing.

Pulling playlists together has never really felt like work to me. It is something that has always come naturally, finding the pulse, the words, and the energy that create a journey, carry a message, evoke a feeling, and raise the frequency.

I am always exchanging tracks with like-minded friends because music has always been one of the ways I connect and communicate.

And recently, as I have started creating Instagram reels from my own Psychedelic Breath® music choices and I have noticed that same essence of me coming alive again, speaking through music, louder than words. Then people started commenting that they could see me DJing, which made me smile, because I can feel it too.

Now, let’s be honest. There is still a voice inside of me that says, “This is ridiculous. Why are you learning another thing? You already have enough going on as it is.”

And that voice has a point. But what if there doesn’t need to be a big outcome?

What if I could learn simply for the joy of learning?

The more I explore this idea of the quantum field, and the possibility that we can begin to tap into our unlimited potential, the more I am starting to understand what that actually means.

Since I stopped drinking and I know I mention this more and more, I have gained so much clarity, time, discipline, energy, and self-trust.

And with that clarity, I am starting to see how much potential I actually have.

Not because I suddenly became someone new, but because I healed the old belief systems that kept me playing small.

The ones that told me I wasn’t good enough.

That I was too old.

That there wasn’t enough time.

That other teachers were so much better than me.

What if I could do it without needing it to become something, without needing to prove anything, without needing to know where it is going?

Because the latest version of Debbie understands something the outdated version of me didn’t yet know.

I am already good enough.

I no longer have to prove that to myself or to the world.

What if the purpose is simply to enjoy the process?

Even more beautiful is that my son and I have talked about learning together, and there is something about that which feels really special. Maybe this is one of those moments where our roles begin to reverse, and he becomes my teacher.

The more I trust and experience the quantum field of energy, the more this makes me smile from somewhere deep inside. Because I can see the alignment now.

The young Debbie-DJ who never felt good enough, even though she was.

The girl who took aerobics tapes to parties.

The woman who found dance music in London and met her husband in Ibiza.

The facilitator who found Psychedelic Breath® through breath and beats.

And now, the woman who is listening to the whisper that says, it is time to learn.

I do believe everything happens in divine timing.

And I also believe it is never too late to try something new. I am not too old, because that is just a narrative we tell ourselves to keep us playing small.

So if there is something in your life that keeps calling you, even quietly, perhaps this is your reminder to listen.

Maybe you are scared.

Maybe you feel too old.

Maybe you think you are not good enough.

Maybe you think there isn’t enough time.

Maybe you don’t have enough money.

Maybe you don’t know where it will lead.

But maybe it doesn’t need to lead anywhere for it to be worth following.

Maybe the following is the point, to be in the unknown, to stay open, to take the first step.

Maybe the joy and curiosity are reason enough.

When I get paid next week, I will be investing in some decks, because I know this is the way.

And as I write these last words, I can hear that little voice of Debbie-DJ saying, “You’ve got this,” which is bringing up some tears from what must be an old childhood wound.

I can feel another layer of healing taking place. This has become such a big part of my writing process. And if you are still here reading with me, thank you.

A younger part of me is being seen, heard, and finally believed in.

So stay tuned.